Wendy S. Rhyason, MA Counselling Psychology

Counsellor & Life Coach

Who Can You Trust?

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When you grow up in an abusive home you learn destructive relationship patterns. You may find it hard to trust others because you have been betrayed and hurt deeply by the people you cared about. With all relationships there is the risk of betrayal, but you can minimize the pain by remembering the characteristics of trustworthy people and carefully choosing the people you allow into your inner circle.

Characteristics of trustworthy people

Admit weaknesses – Being honest, open and vulnerable is essential in a trusting relationship. If the person focuses on your weaknesses, this is an attempt to feel superior.

Spiritual instead of “religious” – People that are stuck on rules as the core of their spirituality, are avoiding their own issues and will never deal with them.

Non-defensive – trustworthy people are open to feedback, especially from people who love them. An angry response indicates an unwillingness to take responsibility for actions.

Humble and not self-righteous – trustworthy people recognize their own faults and do not see themselves as better than others.

Willing to apologize and change behavior – trustworthy people recognize their mistakes, apologize and are willing to change their behavior because they want to improve themselves and their relationships.

Take responsibility for their problems – trustworthy people admit their problems and take steps to deal with them. Blaming others for problems, a lack of empathy, fault finding and a failure to forgive others are signs of an untrustworthy person.

Sincerely compliment rather than flatter – A trustworthy person will be honest with you and won’t point out your good characteristics as a form of manipulation.

Willing to earn trust instead of demanding it – Trustworthy people recognize that trust is built over time and grows when there is repeated and consistent caring behavior.

Are honest and avoid lying – Trustworthy people work at being honest.  Untrustworthy people will often lie to deal with their problems.

Interested in personal growth – Trustworthy people recognize we all have areas we need to change and improve.  Blaming others, being defensive and refusing to change keeps a person at the same emotional level throughout life.

If you are like me, you want to trust everyone. But it is wise to watch a person’s actions, not their words. Listen to your instincts. Trust is earned, not demanded. It is a gift we give others and it grows over time as you see the consistent characteristics of trustworthy behavior.

If you find you have many of the characteristics of an untrustworthy person, you can change.  For help changing behavior, feeling safe in relationships or healing from the hurt of betrayal, please contact me at wendy@wrhyason.ca or (780) 289-8235.

Reference:

Cloud, H. & Townsend, J. (2009). Safe people. Grand Rapids, Michigan:Zondervan

 

Edmonton Counsellor & Life Coach – Wendy S. Rhyason, MA Counselling Psychology

Unhealthy Relationship Quiz

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Edmonton Counsellor & Life Coach – Wendy Rhyason, MA Counselling Psychologyscience_questioning

How did I end up in another bad relationship? Why do I keep choosing the wrong partner or friend? Have you asked yourself these questions? Do certain patterns keep popping up in your relationships? Without realizing it, most of us follow distinct patterns that are often learned in childhood and we will continue to repeat them unless they are identified and changes are made.

As a child, my mother had an undiagnosed personality disorder and her mental illness created an unsafe, volatile and chaotic home. This left me and my sister with deep emotional scars. Children in abusive dysfunctional homes believe their experience is normal and they learn to imitate the behaviours witnessed. When I became an adult I realized that my upbringing was not normal or healthy and I had been influenced by what I experienced. Determined to break free of destructive patterns, I worked with a therapist over several years to recognize unhealthy relationships and change my behaviour.

Although making changes wasn’t easy, I have benefited both personally and professionally. As a counsellor, I can teach clients what I learned about identifying unhealthy behaviour and ending destructive patterns. In my personal life, I have healthy, nurturing relationships and boundaries that eliminate the drama and chaos associated with unhealthy behaviour.LOVE

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Edmonton Counsellor & Life Coach Wendy Rhyason, MA Counselling Psychology